Life on the West Island - Don't go there!

Almost daily, we are assailed with a new online survey with astounding conclusions. This week was no exception, when Facebook published an “annual survey” on the West Island’s sh*@#est towns. (It’s a very rude word, so let’s just say that it is about towns nobody would want to visit.)

Some of the towns targeted for abuse deserve to have their reputations saved. So, Life on the West Island has compiled its own responses to the rude remarks made about them. Here are the top five, with the original online comments and our reflections on visits to these locations (original Facebook entries in italics).

Every year S*%@ Towns Of Australia conducts a poll on Facebook to find the *%@!test towns in the country and the results are always s*%@-hot.

So far every state and territory has been completed except for NSW (which opened its polling a couple of days ago), but at least we can look at the other results in horror.

Here are the *%@!test towns in Australia as voted by Aussies:

Queenstown, Tasmania

Queenstown, much like its namesake, is quite a dead, rotting host of unspeakable horrors. It received 23 per cent of the votes for *%@!test town in Tasmania.

“We went through Queenstown once and it was like a scene out of Deliverance,” wrote one Facebook user. “Hubby wanted to stop for a look around and I’m like nope, this town has a ‘hills have eyes’ vibe, I’ll stay in the car with the doors locked thanks,” wrote another.

This is unfair. For almost 120 years, the Mt Lyell mine and smelter produced vast quantities of copper, gold and silver. Unfortunately, sulphur emissions from the smelter killed off almost all vegetation in the town (trees, shrubs, lawns etc.) and Queenstown became noted as a moonscape ecological disaster area. But since the end of smelting, plants and trees have flourished and the town is now an attractive tourist destination with beautiful historic buildings, interesting museums and galleries and plenty of affordable shopping. Worth a visit.

Alice Springs, Northern Territory

When Alice went to Wonderland you better believe she did NOT go here. Alice Springs received a massive 24.9 per cent of all the votes for *%@!test town in the NT.

“As an Alice resident, I can confirm it’s a well-deserved win,” wrote one Facebook user. “Can’t be too hard when the entire state only has two towns to choose between,” wrote another.

“The Alice” is one of the most iconic towns on the West Island. It is home to the School of the Air and the Royal Flying Doctor Service. Browsers will love the great shopping in Todd Mall including some excellent Indigenous art galleries. As well, it is the gateway to spectacular geographic icons including Simpson’s Gap and the Macdonnell Ranges and the closest town of any size to Uluru, a destination on almost everyone’s bucket list.

Frankston, Vic

You don’t often see towns with seaside views and beaches wind up at the top of the “*%@!test towns” lists but somehow Frankston has done just that. Technically, it isn’t even a town and is part of Greater Melbourne. I guess folks hate it that much.

Frankston won the poll with 12 per cent of the votes, which isn’t much but you have to consider the fact that Victoria has a LOT of competition when it comes to s*%!hole towns.

“Beating Morwell and Moe is a hell of an achievement,” wrote one Facebook user. “A body was found behind the Frankston Library. Locals were shocked! None of them knew they even had a library!” wrote another.

Frankston has long been a favourite spot for Melburnians to visit for excellent weekend fare and great coffee. Just go there and see for yourself!

Port Pirie, SA

For the third year in a row Port Pirie lands at the top spot for *%@!test town in South Australia, scoring 22.7 per cent of the votes.

“Congrats! Never been there. Never will,” wrote one Facebook user. “Congratulations Pirie it’s the only prize you’ll ever win,” wrote another.

For over a century, Port Pirie had the largest unregulated lead smelter in the world, and was best avoided because of its dangerous pollution. But that is long in the past and now it is a bustling and clean regional town which hosts South Australia’s largest country music festival. It advertises that it is “nestled in the Southern Flinders Ranges, part of the amazing National Landscape, as well as being situated on the Spencer Gulf where rolling hills meet coastline. Enjoy the services of a city in the environment of a country town then take a short drive to some of the most diverse and amazing scenery you are likely to see.” And it has the state’s best chocolate shop!

Fyshwick, ACT

For the entire time that I lived in the ACT the only thing I knew about Fyshwick was that it had a fish market, which seemed apt. However, I was too busy turning my car around annoying roundabouts to ever visit.

“Originally built as a concentration camp for German prisoners in 1918, the eerily uninhabited suburb of Fyshwick is a great place to buy a used car to do a drive-by, a shipment of no-longer-legal fireworks or a bale of hardcore pornography,” wrote S*%@ Towns of Australia. The humble “town” of Fyshwick received 26.2 per cent of all votes, despite having a population of about 60 people.

Agreed that Fyshwick is not a place to stay – but then it is an exclusively light-industrial suburb which services Canberra, so it has its uses. It’s worth visiting alone for Canty’s Bookshop – one of the best collections of secondhand books in the whole nation. Go see it!

The lesson from all this is: don’t rely on the negative attacks from bogus social media “surveys” – go see the West Island’s fascinating towns for yourself!