Life on the West Island - Dealing with bullies

In an age where manipulative behaviour seems to be becoming much more prevalent, most West Islanders would readily be able to recognise a bully. Bullies are commonplace in the schoolyard but now seem to be endemic in many other places – especially in domestic violence situations, workplaces and politics. Perhaps most alarmingly, they are coming to dominate international relations.

Of course, the most egregious example is the current president of the United States, who seems hell-bent on trashing his country’s once proud claim to be “the land of the free” and “the leader of the free world.” These titles would now be laughable, if they were not such a serious threat to the peace and stability of the entire world. The rapid fall of the American Empire at the hands of their erratic oligarchical narcissist is because he sees himself as the ultimate bully, threatening and coercing all around him - politicians, bureaucrats and other nations included – to do exactly as he wishes.

Many have submitted to this bully’s will, giving in to his petulant and irrational demands. But to their credit – at least so far – the leaders of our nation have stood firm and taken a more measured and largely successful approach. To understand why this is better than the craven surrender of so many other “leaders,” it is worth considering the nature of bullies and well-established ways of outflanking and subduing them.

Perhaps the first thing to remember is that almost all bullies are in fact cowards. Commonly, when a person or entity stands up to them, bullies are the first to cry hurt and run away to complain about the behaviour of those not bending to their will. That is, they try to paint themselves as the victim.

This is often the case in domestic violence and coercive control situations when the real victim takes a firm stand or seeks outside support. The bully openly or figuratively bursts into tears and demands sympathy from others. Sometimes – as President Trump is wont to do – they enlist third parties to copy their bullying and “put (the victim) in their place.” This week, for example, we have seen the petulant president slap crippling tariffs on India and Canada for not being “nice” to him. (He often conflates his nation with him personally – so that a change of foreign policy or some unwelcome employment statistics become a personal affront to the bully-in-chief and at the same time an insult to what he perceives as “America.”)

There has been much research into how to deal with bullies, resulting in many guidelines for children and victims of domestic violence. Life on the West Island believes that these can equally be applied in dealing with international bullies like Donald J Trump. Here are some possibilities:

1. Stand up to bullies

The thing that bullies most hate is when those they are seeking to cow into obedience take a firm stand against them. This can be through simply refusing to bend to their will or pointing out that what they are demanding is unreasonable or even unlawful. Perhaps most of all, they detest being laughed at or humiliated for their demeaning demands. This could be seen in Trump’s thin-skinned angry reaction at being labelled the TACO (“Trump Always Chickens Out”) president. This label has stuck because the erratic president has drawn a long series of red lines which cannot be crossed without dire consequences, only to repeatedly shift the deadlines and even reverse his previous damaging decisions.

2. Don’t give in to the bully

A bully cannot be appeased by simply knuckling under and doing what they demand. Compliance is interpreted by the bully as craven weakness, and they will then double down with even more drastic demands and actions. Canada and Mexico have found this out to their cost, when their grudging acceptance of punitive tariffs simply encouraged the rampant president to impose even heavier sanctions on them.

3. Don’t try to deal with the problem alone. There is nothing wrong with asking for help

Perhaps the best way to successfully combat a bully is to gather sympathetic friends and allies to join in a campaign to thwart the evil demands of the bully. Trump specialises in isolating individual victims in pursuing his damaging “America First” policies by undermining all other members of the world community. But this can be countered if other nations work together, perhaps through the United Nations or the European Union, by standing shoulder to shoulder to implement more inclusive and effective policies to deal with global problems.

4. Don’t react in kind by copying the bullying behaviour

This might be described as taking the moral high ground. Mimicking the inappropriate bullying behaviour only exacerbates a bad situation and gives the bully the chance to fight back by blaming the victim. Fighting back against violence or coercion is a natural human reaction, but in the case of bullying, it often gives the perpetrator a sense of vindication that their bullying is a reasonable response to the actions of the victim.

5. Identify and make public the inappropriate and damaging behaviour of the bully

Bullies thrive in secrecy. If victims conceal the bully’s disgraceful behaviour through a sense of shame or powerlessness, the bully is empowered to repeat and increase their actions and demands. Trump is the exemplar of this, demanding of both his minions and rival nations that they do not identify and label his bullying behaviour. Thrusting it into the cleansing sunlight of open reporting reveals it for what it really is - attempting to bend others to his will and pandering to his destructive narcissism.

Trump is not alone in a world where bullies are seeking to dominate, often to enhance their power and domination of others, as well as to gain untold personal wealth - think Putin, Netanyahu and Kim Jong Un. The West Island should become a shining model of how to deal successfully with such bullies.