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What do you know about God?

Thursday, January 23, 2020


A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"


A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.

"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.

"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

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Home-bottled grape wine

Thursday, January 16, 2020


This is why I didn't show up for work yesterday. I was cleaning out my wife's grandpa's cellar and found 12 bottles of his home-bottled grape wine under the steps. My wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I agreed to do the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork form the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle, did likewise, and drank one glass, just to check the taste to see if the old fellow knew his wine making. He did.

I then opened the third bottle, and poured it, too, down the sink, but not until drinking one full glass to check the purity. It was very good. I did this, also with the fourth bottle. One glass for myself, and the rest down the sink. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle, then corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which were 29, and as the house came by I counted them again, and finally had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I felt so foolish that I couldn't go upstairs and congratulate my wife to tell her what a great winemaker her grandpa was. I will do that after climbing the basement steps the next time they come by.

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A Cowboy

Thursday, January 09, 2020


A cowboy rode into a windy, dusty, tumble weed strewn Nevada town, reined up outside the saloon, went in and ordered a double bourbon. 

The saloon was full of locals. But what this cowboy did not know was that this town was a haven for thieves and rouges. 

Having finished his drink he exited only to find that his horse had been stolen.

He returned inside to the bar and ordered another double bourbon.

With the speed of greased lightning he drew his gun and sent it spinning into the air above his head, caught it effortlessly without looking up and fired a single shot into the ceiling. 

The saloon fell deathly silent.  He announce to all and sundry that if his horse was not returned in the next three minutes then he would have to do what he had done down there in Texas.  He added, “I really do not want to do what I had had to do down there in Texas, no sir, I do not want to have to do that, no sir, I do not!” 


He finished his drink; checked his gun; then his time piece. 

The three minutes were up

He exited again and there was his horse back where he had left it. 

He mounted up, turned and started to move off when the bartender came running up to him and asked,  “Hey partner tell me, tell me, what was it that you had to do down there in Texas?   What was it that you didn’t want to have to do here?  What was it?  Tell me please.”

The cowboy stared at him with a long withering look and then said- “I had to walk home!”

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Hilli Restaurant and Cafe ... ph +67 23 24270

Thursday, January 02, 2020


Hours: Open 7 days a week for devonshire Teas from 10am . Lunch 12-2pm . Dinner from 6pm

Phone: + 6723 24270

The famous Hilli Restaurant is popular with both locals and visitors. Hilli offers a relaxed atmosphere with fine food and excellent service. Take in the natural wood interior or dine in the open tropical gardens. Make sure you don't miss the Hilli experience!!!

Situated next to Cyclorama on Queen Elizabeth Avenue, in front of the Pitcairn Settlers Village.


To view a larger map The Hilli Lounge of Norfolk Island, please "Click here".



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This story is perfectly logical to all males:

Thursday, January 02, 2020


A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

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USUAL SUSPECT

Thursday, December 26, 2019


While prosecuting a robbery case, I conducted an interview with the arresting officer. My first question: "Did you see the defendant at the scene?"

"Yes, from a block away," the officer answered.

"Was the area well lit?"

"No. It was pretty dark."

"Then how could you identify the defendant?" I asked, concerned.

Looking at me as if I were nuts, he answered, "I’d recognize my cousin anywhere."

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Hilli Restaurant and Cafe ... ph +67 23 24270

Thursday, December 19, 2019


Hours: Open 7 days a week for devonshire Teas from 10am . Lunch 12-2pm . Dinner from 6pm

Phone: + 6723 24270

The famous Hilli Restaurant is popular with both locals and visitors. Hilli offers a relaxed atmosphere with fine food and excellent service. Take in the natural wood interior or dine in the open tropical gardens. Make sure you don't miss the Hilli experience!!!

Situated next to Cyclorama on Queen Elizabeth Avenue, in front of the Pitcairn Settlers Village.


To view a larger map The Hilli Lounge of Norfolk Island, please "Click here".



Please 'contact us' for more information.

Harley bikie

Thursday, December 19, 2019


A Harley bikie is riding by a wildlife reserve in Canberra when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's enclosure. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.  

The bikie jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the bikie brings her  to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.  

A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley bikie says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'   The Harley bikie replies, 'Why, it was nothin' at all, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'  

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'   The bikie replies, 'I'm a Australian digger and a coalition voter.'   The journalist leaves.

The following morning the bikie buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: AUSTRALIAN DIGGER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days.

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CONFESSIONS OF A MILITARY WIFE

Thursday, December 12, 2019


My husband is infantry, and 
he said the most wonderful things 
to convince me to marry him:

• The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day.

• I could have as many babies as 
I want because giving birth is free.

• He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone.

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GUILTY AS CHARGED

Thursday, December 05, 2019


In Fort Worth, Texas, I was hauled before the judge for driving with expired license plates. The judge listened attentively while I gave him a long, plausible explanation.

Then he said with great courtesy, "My dear sir, we are not blaming you—we’re just fining you."

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