Norfolk Online Newsletter FREE content

Ranch Hand

Thursday, March 12, 2020


A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.  She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.. 

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. 

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him  around the house than the drunk. 

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day  and knew a lot about ranching. 


For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. 

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went  into town one Saturday night. 

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. 

Two o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room,  he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. 

She quietly called him over to her..

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. 

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." 

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. 

"Now take off my skirt." 

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. 

"Now take off my bra .." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. 

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired." 

Please 'contact us' for more information.

THE ART COLLECTOR

Thursday, March 05, 2020


A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double-take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."

The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Hilli Restaurant and Cafe ... ph +67 23 24270

Thursday, February 27, 2020


Hours: Open 7 days a week for devonshire Teas from 10am . Lunch 12-2pm . Dinner from 6pm

Phone: + 6723 24270

The famous Hilli Restaurant is popular with both locals and visitors. Hilli offers a relaxed atmosphere with fine food and excellent service. Take in the natural wood interior or dine in the open tropical gardens. Make sure you don't miss the Hilli experience!!!

Situated next to Cyclorama on Queen Elizabeth Avenue, in front of the Pitcairn Settlers Village.


To view a larger map The Hilli Lounge of Norfolk Island, please "Click here".



Please 'contact us' for more information.

Where did intelligence come from?

Thursday, February 27, 2020


A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

'Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Tradition of the little Angel

Thursday, February 20, 2020


One Christmas, a long time ago, Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip; but there were problems... everywhere.

Four of his elves were away sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones. So, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then, Mrs. Claus popped in to tell Santa that her mother was coming to stay for Christmas; which stressed him even more.

After a while, he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and run away, heaven knows where to.

Then, when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards broke and several large toy-bags fell to the ground, scattering their contents all over the place. Needless to say, Santa was not in the best of moods.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and he went to the door expecting another problem and absolutely furious. But when he opened it, there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree that she had brought especially to cheer him up.

The angel greeted him very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa Claus. Isn't it just a wonderful day? I have a beautiful tree for you. See, isn't it just the loveliest Christmas tree you've ever seen? Where would you like me to put it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Old Age

Thursday, February 13, 2020


An old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg.

"I am afraid it's just old age", replied the doctor, "there is nothing we can do about it."

"That can't be" fumed the old man, "you don't know what you are doing."

"How can you possibly know I am wrong?" countered the doctor.

"Well it's quite obvious," the old man replied, "my other leg is fine, and it's the exact same age!"

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Hilli Restaurant and Cafe ... ph +67 23 24270

Thursday, February 06, 2020


Hours: Open 7 days a week for devonshire Teas from 10am . Lunch 12-2pm . Dinner from 6pm

Phone: + 6723 24270

The famous Hilli Restaurant is popular with both locals and visitors. Hilli offers a relaxed atmosphere with fine food and excellent service. Take in the natural wood interior or dine in the open tropical gardens. Make sure you don't miss the Hilli experience!!!

Situated next to Cyclorama on Queen Elizabeth Avenue, in front of the Pitcairn Settlers Village.


To view a larger map The Hilli Lounge of Norfolk Island, please "Click here".



Please 'contact us' for more information.

Scottish Blood in the Veins

Thursday, February 06, 2020


An Arab Sheik was admitted to St Vincent ’s Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states.

Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars.

Couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies".

To this the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins".

Please 'contact us' for more information.

What a Predicament

Thursday, January 30, 2020


An older man lived alone. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who normally helped him, was in prison. During his usual correspondence with his son, the father wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Shortly he received a reply, "Please Dad, don't dig up the garden, that's where I buried the evidence!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen police appeared in the father's garden and began to dig up the entire garden, without finding any evidence.

Confused, the older man wrote another note to his son telling him what had occurred and asking for an explanation. His son replied, "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do at this time."

Please 'contact us' for more information.

What do you know about God?

Thursday, January 23, 2020


A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"


A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.

"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.

"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

Please 'contact us' for more information.



Go Back

Recent Posts



Categories


Archive



ADVERTISERS

Next