Norfolk Online Newsletter FREE content

Shakeup

Thursday, June 04, 2020


Arcelor- Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a  wall.

The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that  he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a  week?" 

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400  a week. Why?"  

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came  back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said,  "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."  

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and  asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"  

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Annual Check Up

Thursday, May 28, 2020


A woman goes to her doctor for her annual check up. 


 The nurse starts with certain basic items. 

 ' How much do you weigh?' she asks. 'Eight and a half stone,' the woman says. 

The nurse puts her on the scales and tells  her weight is actually ten stone. The nurse asks, 'Your height?' '5 foot 8 !!!', she says. 

The nurse checks and says that she only measures 5' 2'. 

 She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman that it is very high.  

'Of course it's HIGH !!!' the woman screams, 'When I came in here I was tall and slender.... Now I'm short and fat !!!'

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Fun after Retirement

Thursday, May 21, 2020


Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well for example, the other day, Bev my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.  When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an pimple faced power tripping arsehole . He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.


So Bev called him a small minded little shit head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.


Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.  We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Ranch Hand

Thursday, March 12, 2020


A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.  She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.. 

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. 

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him  around the house than the drunk. 

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day  and knew a lot about ranching. 


For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. 

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went  into town one Saturday night. 

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. 

Two o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room,  he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. 

She quietly called him over to her..

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. 

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." 

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. 

"Now take off my skirt." 

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. 

"Now take off my bra .." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. 

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired." 

Please 'contact us' for more information.

THE ART COLLECTOR

Thursday, March 05, 2020


A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double-take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."

The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Hilli Restaurant and Cafe ... ph +67 23 24270

Thursday, February 27, 2020


Hours: Open 7 days a week for devonshire Teas from 10am . Lunch 12-2pm . Dinner from 6pm

Phone: + 6723 24270

The famous Hilli Restaurant is popular with both locals and visitors. Hilli offers a relaxed atmosphere with fine food and excellent service. Take in the natural wood interior or dine in the open tropical gardens. Make sure you don't miss the Hilli experience!!!

Situated next to Cyclorama on Queen Elizabeth Avenue, in front of the Pitcairn Settlers Village.


To view a larger map The Hilli Lounge of Norfolk Island, please "Click here".



Please 'contact us' for more information.

Where did intelligence come from?

Thursday, February 27, 2020


A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

'Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Tradition of the little Angel

Thursday, February 20, 2020


One Christmas, a long time ago, Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip; but there were problems... everywhere.

Four of his elves were away sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones. So, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then, Mrs. Claus popped in to tell Santa that her mother was coming to stay for Christmas; which stressed him even more.

After a while, he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and run away, heaven knows where to.

Then, when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards broke and several large toy-bags fell to the ground, scattering their contents all over the place. Needless to say, Santa was not in the best of moods.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and he went to the door expecting another problem and absolutely furious. But when he opened it, there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree that she had brought especially to cheer him up.

The angel greeted him very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa Claus. Isn't it just a wonderful day? I have a beautiful tree for you. See, isn't it just the loveliest Christmas tree you've ever seen? Where would you like me to put it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Old Age

Thursday, February 13, 2020


An old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg.

"I am afraid it's just old age", replied the doctor, "there is nothing we can do about it."

"That can't be" fumed the old man, "you don't know what you are doing."

"How can you possibly know I am wrong?" countered the doctor.

"Well it's quite obvious," the old man replied, "my other leg is fine, and it's the exact same age!"

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Hilli Restaurant and Cafe ... ph +67 23 24270

Thursday, February 06, 2020


Hours: Open 7 days a week for devonshire Teas from 10am . Lunch 12-2pm . Dinner from 6pm

Phone: + 6723 24270

The famous Hilli Restaurant is popular with both locals and visitors. Hilli offers a relaxed atmosphere with fine food and excellent service. Take in the natural wood interior or dine in the open tropical gardens. Make sure you don't miss the Hilli experience!!!

Situated next to Cyclorama on Queen Elizabeth Avenue, in front of the Pitcairn Settlers Village.


To view a larger map The Hilli Lounge of Norfolk Island, please "Click here".



Please 'contact us' for more information.



Go Back

Recent Posts



Categories


Archive



ADVERTISERS

Next