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IN THE INTEREST OF CULTURAL DIVERSITY

Thursday, October 17, 2019


A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity.

"You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later, their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our female clerks has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others,

"Which one of you idiots ate the female?"

A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!"

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SAD FOODS

Thursday, October 10, 2019


My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.



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HOLDING YOUR LIQUOR

Thursday, October 03, 2019


A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says


'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'


The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'


As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'


'Coming up' says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says 'I would like to buy you one, too.'


The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'


'Coming right up' the bartender says.


As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'


The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue!' 

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FAMILIES

Thursday, September 26, 2019


A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

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TEACHER

Thursday, September 19, 2019


Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

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Hilli Restaurant and Cafe ... ph +67 23 24270

Thursday, September 12, 2019


Hours: Open 7 days a week for devonshire Teas from 10am . Lunch 12-2pm . Dinner from 6pm

Phone: + 6723 24270

The famous Hilli Restaurant is popular with both locals and visitors. Hilli offers a relaxed atmosphere with fine food and excellent service. Take in the natural wood interior or dine in the open tropical gardens. Make sure you don't miss the Hilli experience!!!

Situated next to Cyclorama on Queen Elizabeth Avenue, in front of the Pitcairn Settlers Village.


To view a larger map The Hilli Lounge of Norfolk Island, please "Click here".



Please 'contact us' for more information.

60 YEARS TOGETHER

Thursday, September 12, 2019


After 60 years together, the couples three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honour.


"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed Son No. 1. 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."


"Not to worry," said the father. "Important thing is we're all together today."


Son No. 2 arrived. "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from LA between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."


"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."


Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy anniversary! Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."


After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college. Through the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."


The three children gasped and said almost in unison, "WHAT? You mean we're bastards?"


"Yep", said the father. "Cheap ones, too."

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ELECTRICIANS

Thursday, September 05, 2019


An electrician (the Royalty of all Trades) dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates.


A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.


Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand and says,


"Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you."


"Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the electrician sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says, "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive. Is it because I'm an electrician?"


"Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!"


The electrician is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty."


"That's simply impossible son," says Saint Peter, "We've added up your time sheets."

Please 'contact us' for more information.

Hilli Restaurant and Cafe ... ph +67 23 24270

Thursday, August 29, 2019


Hours: Open 7 days a week for devonshire Teas from 10am . Lunch 12-2pm . Dinner from 6pm

Phone: + 6723 24270

The famous Hilli Restaurant is popular with both locals and visitors. Hilli offers a relaxed atmosphere with fine food and excellent service. Take in the natural wood interior or dine in the open tropical gardens. Make sure you don't miss the Hilli experience!!!

Situated next to Cyclorama on Queen Elizabeth Avenue, in front of the Pitcairn Settlers Village.


To view a larger map The Hilli Lounge of Norfolk Island, please "Click here".



Please 'contact us' for more information.

LESSONS IN LIFE

Thursday, August 29, 2019


I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.


I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'


'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.


'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.


'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I must spend my time trying to stay alive.'


'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.


'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'


'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you to dinner with my husband and me tonight.'


The homeless woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for that. I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'


I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she gives up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

Please 'contact us' for more information.



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