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CONFESSIONS OF A MILITARY WIFE

Thursday, December 12, 2019


My husband is infantry, and 
he said the most wonderful things 
to convince me to marry him:

• The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day.

• I could have as many babies as 
I want because giving birth is free.

• He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone.

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GUILTY AS CHARGED

Thursday, December 05, 2019


In Fort Worth, Texas, I was hauled before the judge for driving with expired license plates. The judge listened attentively while I gave him a long, plausible explanation.

Then he said with great courtesy, "My dear sir, we are not blaming you—we’re just fining you."

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Its all in the Teeth

Thursday, November 28, 2019


Two ladies were discussing their husbands over tea.

“I wish that my Robert would stop biting his nails. It gets me very upset."

“My Calvin used to do the same thing,” the older woman replied, “but I broke him of the habit.”

“How?” the first women asked...

“I hid his teeth.”

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CLEAN RESTAURANT JOKE

Thursday, November 21, 2019


So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. “Hey Tom” said Oscar  to his friend, “You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn’t believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny waxed floor.” “Oscar” hollered Tom spitting the food out of his mouth, “please not while I am eating!!”

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CATS

Thursday, November 14, 2019


Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

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LONG TOUR OF DUTY

Thursday, November 07, 2019


I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. As I sat with other prospective jurors listening to a woman drone on about how long the process was taking, a judge and two lawyers passed by, giving me a big hello. A minute later, a few maintenance workers did the same.

That set off the malcontent: "Just how long have you been serving jury duty?"

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WHO IS THE BOSS

Thursday, October 31, 2019


When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines: One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed.  Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

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Hilli Restaurant and Cafe ... ph +67 23 24270

Thursday, October 24, 2019


Hours: Open 7 days a week for devonshire Teas from 10am . Lunch 12-2pm . Dinner from 6pm

Phone: + 6723 24270

The famous Hilli Restaurant is popular with both locals and visitors. Hilli offers a relaxed atmosphere with fine food and excellent service. Take in the natural wood interior or dine in the open tropical gardens. Make sure you don't miss the Hilli experience!!!

Situated next to Cyclorama on Queen Elizabeth Avenue, in front of the Pitcairn Settlers Village.


To view a larger map The Hilli Lounge of Norfolk Island, please "Click here".



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A HEARING PROBLEM

Thursday, October 24, 2019


An elderly gentleman had been experiencing serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"

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IN THE INTEREST OF CULTURAL DIVERSITY

Thursday, October 17, 2019


A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity.

"You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later, their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our female clerks has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others,

"Which one of you idiots ate the female?"

A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!"

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